Sans vs Grif
Undertale vs Red vs Blue. Which of these two lazy bones (Eh? Eh? See what I did there?) will win this What-if Fanon Death Battle? Will Grif make Sans have a bad time? Or was he '''boned' from the start? Hehe, ok, I'll stop now.'' Sans vs Grif Thumbnail.png|My Thumbnail Sans vs Grif Thumbnail (ZDogg667).jpeg|ZDogg667 Interlude (Cue https://youtu.be/92H3Mscg7QQ) chinq: Fiction is full of many great heroes, ready to put in any amount of effort to save the day. Like myself, Superman, Thor, Spider-Man and many more. Avocado: But then there are some who only try as a last resort, when all else fails. Some who are just... Lazy. chinq: Like Sans, the pun loving ketchupholic skeleton of Undertale. Avocado: And Grif. The lazy soldier of the red team. chinq: He's-''' Avocado: Actually, speaking of laziness, I kinda lost all motivation to do this fight. '''chinq: ... What? Avocado: I just can't be bothered. chinq: Oh for-''' ???: hold up! '''chinq: Wow, I just keep getting interrupted today. Sans: well sorry for trying to keep this written fight going. chinq: Oh, this is not happening right now. Avocado: Well if you want to take my host spot for this episode, be my guest. Sans: well i kinda have to at this point. poor old captin chinq can't do this on his own. chinq: I really can. Doing this without Avocado is kind of my dream. Sans: is that so? well in that case, i'm gonna demand that avocado does his part for my section and the results. Avocado: But why? Sans: because 1. i want to see you both suffer. and 2. if i talk about myself and what i can do, that'd be like some cringey 10 year old kid doing a roleplay description of his oc, saying "I can do this and i can do that." Avocado: Ok, fair enough. We have a deal Sans. Sans: hell yeah! chinq: Why do I even bother? Avocado: I'm the MLG Avocado and they're captin chinq and Sans. And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Fanon Death Battle! Death Battle card closes Sans (Cue https://youtu.be/omZ4-wFlScE) Avocado: Long ago, a war between humans and monsters took place. chinq: And for once, the humans managed to pull their shit together and actually win. Avocado: The monsters were sealed underground, kept there by a barrier that seemed unbreakable. And though it seemed like the humans and monsters would be separated forever, a few humans did end up falling down a hole that lead them to the underground. chinq: The first being Chara and then Chara died after a while and 6 more humans did the exact same thing. Then, one final human fell down, being Frisk. Avocado: Frisk was taken in by a goat lady named Toriel, but shit happened where Frisk left after a battle with the goat mama, either sparing Toriel or killing her, depends on if the player is heartless or just unlucky. chinq: After leaving Toriel's ruins, Frisk ended up going through the underground, trying to find a way to get out if the underground and to get home. Avocado: After going through the woods, Frisk ended up in a town called Snowdin, where they meet a pair of skeleton brothers. There was Papyrus, the flamboyant, tall, spaghetti chef. chinq: And of course, the shorter, lazy one of the duo, Sans. (Cue https://youtu.be/ZcoqR9Bwx1Y) Avocado: On the surface, he may seem weak. And in terms of physical stats, he definitely is. But believe us when we say strength isn't everything. He may be the weakest monster, but he's also potentially one of the most deadly. chinq: Though Sans can't hit hard, he can hit fast enough to make up for it. Whether he's literally throwing you a bone, throwing you around with his telekinesis or using his signature Gaster Blasters. Avocado: What Gaster Blasters actually are is a bit up for debate. You could say they're the skulls of goats, dragons or a mix of the two. But that doesn't change how good Sans is at using them. chinq: It can also be argued about what they fire. Some will argue beams of light, some argue lasers, some will argue plasma. We're going to be going with them being light/lasers, seeing as lasers and light have a set speed. Plasma really doesn't. Avocado: Also each attack that Sans successfully lands will inflict an effect upon his foes called Karmic Retribution. This creates a poison effect that damages enemies more based on the amount of sins they've committed. The more sins you commit, the more of an effect Karmic Retribution will have on you. Andas we've repeatedly stated, Sans isn't capable of doing much damage with a single attack. Which is why he likes to send barrages of attacks to hit his opponent as fast as possible, as many times as possible, as well as taking advantage of Karmic Retribution to add to the pain he delivers. Each attack will also turn the opponent's soul blue, limiting the time they can stay in the air. chinq: Sans will send waves of bone walls, Gaster blasts, bone throws and will throw you around with his telekinesis, giving you little time to react. He's truly a force to be reckoned with. Avocado: And did we mention how fast he is? Because he is extremely fast. He's at least comparable and likely superior to Napstablook, who was able to close his blinds before Flowey's flash of light could reach his house from his doorstep. chinq: This boney little fucker is even able to casually speed blitz, dodge attacks from and completely toy with Frisk. Being faster than a child doesn't sound impressive, until you consider the fact that the little bastard can dodge lightning from Vulkin. And Sans can keep up with the kid with little to no effort. Combine these reaction speeds with the ability to teleport (or "use shortcuts" or whatever you want to call it.) and you got one hell of a combination. Avocado: Sans is even able to survive the heat of the hotlands, an area which is so hot that even water gets turned to vapour. But this is heat resistance. It's not the same as being good at taking a hit, which Sans definitely isn't. chinq: Yeah, the dude is far from perfect. His biggest flaw being his pathetic physicality. He may be fast, but strong and durable are the exact opposite of the words you could use to describe him. Avocado: If his opponent has no bad karma and hasn't committed any sins, he'll be stuck with his petty attack stat of 1. It doesn't mean he can't do damage, but it will take a lot longer to do any impactful damage. And taking a hit is also something Sans isn't great at doing. He only needs one impactful hit yo be taken down. Sure, he can last a little longer with his determination, but a strong hit will still kill him after a point. captin chinq: And Sans is also very lazy, though he excuses this with his apathy and fatalism. This is a huge flaw that can lead for him to not put a lot of effort into battle. Avocado: Regardless of his weak physicality, to kill Sans, you're gonna need to catch him first. And good luck trying to do that. chinq: If you pick a fight with this bonehead, you're going to have a bad time. Sans: hey guys. how come you never mentioned my awareness of other timelines, my amazing skeleton jokes or my fourth wall awareness? Avocado: Please don't talk to me. Sans: i'm just saying. Avocado: And I'm just saying. Now don't speak to me until you learn what "Capital Letters" are. You're lucky I didn't mention it before. I was in a good mood. Sans: wow, you're a dick. Avocado: Yes, I know. Now go and do the Grif section already. https://youtu.be/4TzVOLOROkM?t=20s Death Battle card closes Grif (Cue https://youtu.be/KRM9DbPVQmc) chinq: Project Freelancer. A group of some of the best soldiers in the galaxy. Sans: these soldiers had some amazing combat training. but that couldn't cover everything. what if a situation came up in a mission that they weren't trained for? one that they didn't know how to handle. chinq: This was where the simulation troops came in. Teams of red and blue soldiers would be placed in bases on opposite sides of a canyon, forced to fight for the opposite team's flag. If they ended up needing any help for something they couldn't handle,they could contact Project Freelancer and have one of their agents sent over to help deal with it so that they could learn how to handle that situation and hopefully end up using that knowledge in future missions. Sans: this would happen in many places over many different planets. one of these red and blue base stations were in a boxed canyon called blood gulch. chinq: On the Red team, there was a mute robot by the name of Lopez, the new recruit Donut, the sergeant named Sarge and his second in command ass-kisser Simmons. And of course, the lazy one. Dexter Grif (Cue https://youtu.be/uZS0WIQI7UU) Sans: one look at grif and you'd assume that he isn't very capable in combat. but that's not exactly true. though he lacks immense skill, he is still capable of holding his own in combat. chinq: Grif can carry two weapons with him at a time. He's gone with many different weapons like a sub machine gun, the magnum and the suppressor. Sans: but there are two weapons that appear to be his most common choice of loadout. chinq: He's got the BR55 Service Rifle. This nifty battle rifle can fire 9.5x40mm rounds with a magazine size of 36 rounds. This gun can hold up to 4 magazines, totalling at 144 bullets when fully loaded. And like the most overpowered gun in fiction, being Konkey Dong's Coconut Gun, it fires in spurts. And when he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt. Sans: what this bonehead- chinq: Ah, I was wondering when you were going to make a terrible skeleton joke. Sans: shut up or you're gonna have a bad time. chinq: Yeah, because having to work with you wasn't already a bad enough time for me. Sans: anyway, what this bonehead is trying to say is that this gun fires in 3 round bursts and can fire 2.4 of those bursts every single second. meaning it only takes grif around 5 seconds of constant firing to empty a full magazine. and each bullet has enough penetrative force to break through armour. chinq: And then there's his favourite weapon, which, you can't really blame him for. The one he stole from the Meta who stole it from an enemy base on a mission. Some call it the Type 25 Grenade Launcher, the Brute Shot or the Knifle. But Grif calls it: The Grif Shot. Sans: this weapon is truly amazing. it shoots grenades and can hold up to 18 of them. it also has a goddamn blame on it. perfect for slicing off enemy limbs or cutting them open. chinq: It's like a perfect blend between Baraka's arm blades and an explode-on-impact version of Junkrat's grenade launcher. Sans: but we're forgetting grif's deadliest weapon. chinq: Wait, what? Are you talking about the alien weaponry? Or the teleportation grenades? I thought those grenades were all used up? Sans: no you bonehead. i'm obviously referring to: https://youtu.be/Uasc9qwx68w chinq: You know, tgis really is worse than having to deal with Avocado. Sans: hehe, too bad. (Cue https://youtu.be/ul5bNEkJbjA3119s) chinq: Despite what Sarge might say, Grif has some impressive feats under his belt. Sans: the dude survived battles with tex and the meta. and when he fought tex, he took several punches to the nuts. one of which, he fell from a great height, hitting his balls onto a stone slab. chinq: Not his mention he helped his friends in the battle against a hundred Tex clones and even managing to bring a few of the Tex clones down. He also helped Tucker, Simmons and Caboose infiltrate a base of the New Republic. Sans: he's dodged bullets at close range whilst driving, covered himself in snow in the time it took for a guard to turn a corner, survived point blank blasts from sarge's shotgun, managed to steal his weapon back from agent carolina. he's survived a crash landing inside a pelican ship, managed to hold on to the grif shot which was stuck in the side of a cliff whilst he was dangling from it and he survived the battle with malcolm hargrove's forces. and somehow, he revived sarge with cpr. doesn't sound impressive until you realise he healed sarge from a fucking sniper shot in the head. chinq: He's also really good at driving. Like, really good. He can drive Warthogs, Pelicans, you name it. But he isn't without his flaws. Sans: he's quite the lazy bones. he rarely puts effort into any tasks and even quit his team because he couldn't be bothered dealing with all the adventures anymore. chinq: This also leads to him never bringing any extra ammo for his guns. So he just has to use what his guns are already loaded with. Sans: not to mention, he's shown to be a not very skilled in hand to hand combat. as well as being a complete numbskull when it comes to his intellectual capabilities. and his stamina is piss poor. often running out of energy quickly due to his overweight build and bad eating habits. chinq: Still, he's accomplished a lot for someone who claims to be the one of, if not the worst soldier of all time. https://youtu.be/AP7qLLFCB4c?t=41s Death Battle card closes Intermission (Cue https://youtu.be/92H3Mscg7QQ?t=25s) Sans: well, it's been fun guys... actually, it's been quite the opposite. but i gotta go now. bye. chinq: About damn time. Anyway, the combatants are set. Let's try to end this debate once and for all. Avocado: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!! Death Battle card closes Pre-Fight The camera pans around Snowdin, then into Sans and Papyrus's house. Sans and Grif are revealed to be sitting on Sans's couch watching a Telletubbies marathon. Grif: You know Sans, I really appreciate you inviting me to chill here to watch classic horror pieces like this instead of going on some bullshit adventure to rescue Church. This is much better. Sans: heh, i figured you'd enjoy it. Papyrus walks into the room. Papyrus: Ah, Sans. You have a friend over. I'll go prepare you both one of my signature spaghetti dishes. Papyrus exits into the kitchen. Grif: Should I be concerned about that? Sans: it's just my brother. just eat the spaghetti he makes you and pretend you like it. and don't let him know that you're a human. he might try and put you through some of his puzzles. Grif: Ok. Do you have any Oreos? Sans: you know i do! Sans pulls out a bag of Oreos. Grif: Oh hell yeah! Sans and Grif both take an Oreo. Grif begins eating while Sans pulls out a bottle of ketchup. Grif (Mouth Full): Oh, this is so fucking goo-... Is that a bottle of ketchup? Sans: yup. it's my favourite. Grif:... Don't you fucking dare. Sans squirts the ketchup on his Oreo. Grif: OK, THAT DOES IT!!! OREOS ARE SACRED RELICS. YOU DO NOT VIOLATE THEM WITH FUCKING KETCHUP!!! Grif reaches for his Battle Rifle. Sans: now hang on buddy, don't do something you'll regret. Grif loads his rifle. Sans: I'm warning you. if you do this, you're gonna have a bad time. Grif stands up and points his rifle at Sans. Sans, realising there's now more room on the couch, puts his feet up to the side. Sans: well... Sans's eye begins to glow blue. Sans: don't say I didn't warn you. Fight (Cue https://youtu.be/l4OK0f46b_I) Grif fires his rifle directly at Sans, but Sans nonchalantly creates a bone wall, blocking the bullets, while still lying on the couch and enjoying his ketchup Oreos. Grif empties the entire magazine, but the bone wall is still standing. Grif runs around the bone wall to the other side where Sans is exposed. He reaches for another magazine to reload his gun, but then realises he forgot to bring any more. Grif: Well... Shit. Sans: well, let the bad times commence. Sans causes a bone to fly up from the ground, directly under Grif, hitting him in the dick. Grif: Ow... Why is it always the dick? Why does everyone always attack me in the dick? Sans: strange, i didn't think there was any part of you that wasn't a dick. Grif: YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!!! Sans: looks like someone's funny bone is broken. Grif drops his rifle, runs up and grabs Sans by the neck. Sans: eww, what is this? it's like being grabbed by a wet trash bag full with full greasy pizzas! Grif lifts Sans up and throws him towards the wall. Sans teleports away, mere inches away from the wall, then summons a Gaster Blaster that fires at Grif. Grif is engulfed by the blast, but once the blast ends, he's revealed to not take any significant damage. Grif (Panting): Ok... That's it... Time for you to die. Grif reaches for the Grif Shot on his back. Sans: oh, might this be troubling for me? (Cue https://youtu.be/4J18y-wFx2U) Sans: nice one avocado. i don't even get my own theme playing for the rest of the fight. Grif: Who the hell are you talking to? Sans: nobody... Grif fires a grenade at Sans. Sans: eyy batter batter. Sans summons a giant bone. Sans: swing batter batter! Sans swings the bone and knocks the grenade back to Grif, hitting him and knocking the Grif Shot out of his hands. Grif: Ow, why are you so strong? Sans: no, you're just that easy to hurt. it's just a little difficult to stop you from getting back up. Grif grabs the Grif shot off the floor and begins firing the rest of his grenades. Grif fires every single grenade in the gun at Sans, but he dodges every single one. Grif: Oh no... Sans: looks like you've run out of bullets. maybe if you hadn't been such a... lazy bones! Grif: That's gonna be the last pun you ever make. Grif charges at Sans with his Grif Shot. Sans: pfft, it's like you're trying to lose. Sans pushes his hand out to try and force Grif back with telekinesis. But all it does is slow him down a little. Sans: wait, what?! Sans keeps trying harder to push Grif back, but with no success. Sans: how the hell are you so heavy? what have you been eating?! While Sans is distracted, trying to push Grif with more power, Grif catches him off guard and cuts his arm off with the Grif Shot. Sans: oh shit! probably should've been paying attention to that! Grif: Now to finish you off! Grif swings a punch, but Sans moves his head and dodges at the last second. Sans grabs Grif's arm with the one hand he has left. Sans: now i don't mean to be rude, but if you take one more diddly darn step, i'm gonna have to diddly darn beat the shit out of you. Grif: How... Grif steps back and tries to escape. Sans: oh, i guess i have to keep to my promise. Sans knocks Grif across the room with a giant bone, then barrages him with a bunch of Gaster Blasters. After the Gaster Blasters finish firing, Grif is revealed to have sustained heavy damage on his armour. He then falls to the floor. Sans: well, don't say I didn't warn you. Sans pins each of Grif's limbs down with a bone. A Gaster Blaster goes up to Grif's head and begins charging. But just as it's about to fire, it stops. Sans: heh, you did well. Grif: Just kill me already. Sans: nah. this was actually pretty fun. Grif: I cut off your fucking arm. Sans: i've been meaning to lose some weight. Grif: I thought you died after one hit? Sans: that's only to blunt force. or when you slash at something vital. you cutting my arm of was neither of those things. so whadda you say? wanna finish this bag of oreos and this horror marathon? Grif: Heh, sure. And I'll not stop you from putting ketchup on these ones. Sans: sounds good pal. Death Battle card closes. K.O... Kinda... Sans and Grif continue watching Telletubbies. Papyrus is still in the kitchen making spaghetti, oblivious to what just happened. Results chinq: What? Where's the bloodshed? We can not seriously be ending this in a tie. Avocado: We're not. Sans is the winner. I just don't have the heart to kill people from one of my favourite internet shows. chinq: Well, let's start with the main reason Sans wins. His speed. Sans is so much faster that Grif is extremely unlikely to be able to land the one solid hit he needs to kill Sans. Grif has never shown to be able to move extremely fast over long periods of time. Avocado: Sans can effortlessly dodge Frisk who can dodge lightning. Grif is nowhere even remotely close to this speed. And even if he was, again, this is the kind of speed Sans can dodge casually. chinq: Nothing in Grif's Arsenal is even remotely fast enough to catch Sans. Nowhere near it. Not to mention, wave after wave of bones and Gaster Blasters is sure to put him down eventually. Each hit may not do much damage on its own, but considering how much faster Sans is and how fast he can attack, he will eventually be able to get the job done. Avocado: Grif did have a lead in strength and a huge durability edge. But it just wasn't enough. chinq: And unlike Grif's guns, Sans's Gaster Blasters don't have an extremely limited ammo supply. Meaning he's less likely to run out of long range options. Avocado: Looks like Grif just didn't have the determination to win this one. He just got dunked on. chinq: Wow, I can't tell who's worse, you or him. Avocado: The winner is Sans https://youtu.be/EFxeTBrVRXs?t=675s Next Time chinq: Next time on Death Battle. https://youtu.be/_TUTJ0klnKk https://youtu.be/uKb7P-4kFiY?t=24s Category:What-If? 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